Lately, my cousin, Amelyn, has been posting statuses on Facebook in regards to her feud with her ex-husband and his current wife. It’s really getting on my nerves.

Number one, she needs stop talking shit about other people. The only reason why it’s such an enormous problem to her is because she dwells on it. Truthfully, if she was over her ex-husband, she wouldn’t be so bothered by the things that he does. She claims her ex-husband is insecure (of their kids’ relationship with her current husband), and isn’t a sufficient father to their children because he makes them do their own laundry, wash dishes and etc. Last I checked, asking your kids to do chores doesn’t make you bad parent. Yeah, he’s probably very strict with the boys, but at least the kids can grow up knowing how to do things without being told.

Number two, stop telling everybody that he’s insecure and not that great of a parent. Personally, I think the real person who’s insecure is Amelyn. What a perfectly convenient opportunity for her to oversee the boys as the hip, lenient, trendy mother. Way to be opportunistic! …Y’know, taking advantage of the fact that she knows the kids hate living with their father because they have to do manual labor and get punished. Then, as icing on the cake, she puts your ex on blast as a bad father. If that’s not indirectly brainwashing your kids, then I don’t know what is.

Number three, his so-called, “10-year grudge” is justified. I do recall him being head-over-heels in love with her and “doing right” by her (albeit, something that’s teetering on the brink of nobility and stupidity) by marrying her, and ultimately having his heart absolutely obliterated by witnessing his own wife cheating on him with her, dun dun duuuunnn, personal trainer. There are wounds that just don’t heal. When somebody who has fallen for you, had children with you, married you (and it’s exactly that order in this case), then being reprimanded because of the ol’ “I have needs that he doesn’t take care of” bullshit… yeah! I’d say I’d stay angry after all these years. I think what made it even worse was when she continued to date the guy she cheated with through the divorce, after the divorce, and up until she moved to Vegas (where the relationship ended and she secretly married her co-worker after dating for a couple months).

Look, I understand she’s mad because he won’t get over it and allegedly tries to refrain the boys from seeing her when she was living clear across the country (that’s another thing, if she thought he was such a bad father, then why did she leave her kids with him when she moved her happy ass to Vegas? Hmm? Exactly), and blah blah blah, bullshit. This is one of those situations where it would be best if she just kept her mouth shut. Any opinions, comments, harsh words, etc that she feels need to be uttered should be contained. Not to mention, it isn’t healthy for your kids to know exactly how you feel about their father. If anything, your kids should be allowed to conjure up their own opinions about their father on their own and not be subjected to bias that’s being openly expressed by their mother. I know I don’t have all the facts on what’s going on, but I do know that it’s wrong to degrade another pertinent person in your kids life who, at this point, are vital to their development. It’s almost safe to say that the only reason why the kids don’t have ill-feelings of their mother (while living with their father) is because their father didn’t drill into their heads as to how bad of a parent Amelyn is. I know that’s conjecture and probably not a safe bet, but you know, to some extent, it’s probably true.

Maybe next time, when she thinks about putting another long-winded rant about how ridiculous her ex and his wife are, she’d try to uphold some sense of decorum and opt not to.

I’m sensing a feeling of a lack of accomplishment. I’ve conjured up so many things and took care of most of them, but the little things… for some reason, it’s leaving me feeling a touch empty.

I got a job today, but I’m feeling anxious.

I’m blogging for the first time in ages, but all the stuff I wanted to get done isn’t done.

The project Ele and I wanted to do has the fix-ins set up, but no content down.

HH needs a layout change, but that didn’t happen when I wanted to either.

So many promises, so many items on my to-do list and although I’ve completed most, I’d like to have it ALL done. There’s a complete lack of motivation somewhere, but part of me feels like that’s not entirely the reason why some of things I want done aren’t done. If only I could put my finger on it…

As much as I love my mother, I feel like she gets frustrated when she can’t brag about her own children. Eva and Jason have invited a friend to live in their house, but it turns out the kid has a shady past. My mom doesn’t trust that. To be honest, she doesn’t trust a lot of people. She lives her life without having friends (except for Uncle Roland) and expect people in the free world to do the same. I’m sure my mom isn’t very content as she depicts herself to be, as I know that by not having a full social life, you tend to have feel like there’s a gaping hole in your life. Manileen gets that feeling a lot lately. She used to be the center of attention in a mosh pit full of friends, but when she got older and put her life on track, she lost a lot of friends in the process. She actually lost her last friend in a dispute she had with her a few months ago. Now, Manileen doesn’t feel like she has a whole lot going aside from Nick and her job.

Me, I can’t say I have a lot of friends. I’m not very popular and charismatic. I’ve had a grand total of 6 friends that I could really call friends in high school and when I went away for college, I made a ton of acquaintances, but very few friends in the midst of losing my close friends from high school. I feel like I have a gaping hole in my life. Truth to be told, I envy those with a plethora of people to hang out with. All I have is school and Eva’s kids. Ever wonder why I don’t have pictures of my friends on my Facebook or Myspace?

Eva is in her early 30′s. My mom’s frustrated because Eva’s life is at a stand still and tends to get worse in heavy situations. She’s also frustrated at the fact that Grace and Janice (my cousins) living well in nice houses and have nice jobs. Eva’s got a criminal record and a husband who can barely afford to keep them afloat. They life on welfare and have 5 children. Eva can’t get a job with her criminal background and can’t seem to stray away from people that can potentially cause trouble. I understand that frustration whole-heartedly. I want Eva and Jason to get better and at least live comfortably as opposed to paycheck-to-paycheck. However, I can’t help but wonder if my mom’s frustrations are triggered by the fact that my mom has nothing to be proud of… nothing to brag about… She’s driven by her embarrassment of Eva’s life where she gets angry when Eva doesn’t listen to her.

Eva isn’t exactly proud of her life thus far. She’s doing degrading work to fulfill her community service requirement. She has to raise five kids and continue to be belittled by her husband who can’t trust her as far as he can throw her. Not that it isn’t her fault, because it is… but she’s living life one day at a time. When you live a life with no tangible focus, aside from raising children to not be like yourself, that’s all you can do. The fact that my mom’s pride is preventing her from being a loving and supporting mother to Eva is downright discouraging to Eva. My mom can’t spend a whole day at Eva’s without seeing Eva when she’s at her best. When Eva’s being a mother… she’s being a mother. The way she plays with her kids. The way she sacrifices updating her deportment so that her kids can look good. The way she gets angry when somebody has done wrong to her children. All those things that should be applauded goes unseen due to the fact that my mom can’t get past the fact that she’s embarrassed by Eva.

You all my not understand my side of the story. I’ve spend enough time to know when my mom is proud and when my mom is humiliated. I’ve also spend enough time with Eva to know when she’s being an idiot and when she’s being simply amazing. I just wish that Eva and Mom would set aside their pride and spend a day with each other to see each other when they’re at their best. I’m tired of being in the crossfire. It’s about time they learned how to be civil and talk to each other like adults.

My mom and Eva are the same… they can’t be bothered to understand one another because they’re too busy yelling so that their point can get across.

Yesterday, Eva’a father-in-law suffered an accident while on the job. He was climbing a ladder to get down a hornet’s nest and amidst his attempt, he suffered hornet stings that caused him to fall and hit his head against the wall. The accident caused a stroke leading to a hemorrhage. Doctors won’t operate out of fear that it’s too dangerous to in his condition. So, in the meantime, it’s a waiting game to see whether or not he’ll pull out of this (albeit, with limited function) on his own.

I’m not particularly close to Eva’s father-in-law. I mean, we know each other, but I don’t know him to the point where I’ll be in a catatonic state. My job right now is to console my sister and her family because these are tough times. My nephew didn’t understand what death means, so when he found out, he said he wanted to die, too. How do I tell these kids that death is a part of life and once their grandfather is gone, we have to try to move on? How can I make it so that they understand? I didn’t even understand why my grandmother died a few years ago. To be honest, I’m not even over her death. When I see her picture, or when I hear her name, like a reflex, I start crying.

There’s such a finality to death. How can I put stock on an afterlife when I know the person is 6-feet under? I don’t know… I’m just going to have to try my best to help my sister and her family get through this.

Okay, I’ve picked a fight with somebody on twitter because this chick spends her days defending somebody who is being charged for murder in Peru.

I know all the “Innocent before proven guilty” hoop-lah, but here’s why I feel he’s guilty.

1.) You don’t fucking sign a confession and redact it days before your trial saying you were “tricked” into signing it. That says one of two things: either, you’re truly an idiot OR you’re fucking guilty. Any person who confesses to a murder and realizes the consequences of their actions will say, “Okay, no… I didn’t do it… because so and so tricked me.”

2.) Forensic evidence. Surveillance cameras showed him and the victim walking into a hotel together. Her body was found IN HIS HOTEL ROOM! His confession included details about the struggle (she used his laptop and found stuff about him that were incriminating and out of fear of her contacting the authorities, he beat the living shit out of her). He justified his actions by saying she “had no right to invade his privacy.” So what if didn’t find anything incriminating about him? …Is she really invading his privacy? Maybe she thought it was okay for her to use his laptop since he had the audacity to bring her to his hotel room. Then he told the authorities that there were two invaders that hid in his room and beat the hell out of her… Okay, how come he got out clean?

3.) This is the SECOND TIME a girl was murdered in his presence. Let us not forget the Holloway girl and his infamous father who just so happened to be a lawyer training to be a judge. “No body. No case.” Hmm… coincidence? I think not. Ever heard the phrase, “fool me once, shame on you…?”

4.) The dude trafficks women. This is a proven fact with great thanks to undercover investigators. Criminal activity is what he knows… so murder isn’t really one of those apples that fall far from the tree.. especially in the midst of doing something wrong, you do something REALLY wrong. Drastic times calls for drastic measures, people.

You can’t take into account his “mental stability due to the death of his father,” his “vices,” and his “blind panic.” No idiot signs a confession even under pressure. If cops tells you to confess to something you didn’t do, you fucking stand your goddamn ground. Ask for YOUR lawyer! Allow for detainment or temporary incarceration… just DON’T SIGN THE CONFESSION… full confession is a biggie in the need to put your ass away. Also, don’t retract your confession when you realize the levity of the situation. Not only does that scream idiocy… it screams a big ass “G-U-I-L-T-Y.”

So do I think this kid should be put away? Yes. Cases like these shouldn’t be this huge if you didn’t do a damn thing wrong. When there’s so much stacked against you and you deny every allegation AFTER confession to every allegation, then why should I believe you? This is like fucking Casey Anthony. If that bitch didn’t want to be a prime suspect in a case, then she should’ve reported her kid right away as opposed to fucking 30 some odd days afterwards (actually her mother reported Kaylee missing). Or better yet… DON’T KILL YOUR GODDAMN KID!!

I’ve signed up for three more social networking sites.

Formspring – http://www.formspring.me/MaleenCabe
Daily Booth – http://www.dailybooth.com/MaleenCabe
Tumblr. – http://maleencabe.tumblr.com

Also, I’ve opted to changed my twitter name so…

Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/MaleenCabe

So feel free to follow me on Twitter and/or DailyBooth or ask me a question on Formspring. Formspring questions can be anything ranging from politics to randomness and/or questions about me to asking for advice. I’m an open book… just don’t be rude. Also, don’t be alarmed at the fact that I have a tumblr account. That doesn’t mean IA is being shut down, it just means I’m separating the “blog clutter” that is in IA.

Part of me feels like there’s a gaping hole in my life. I’m not exactly sure what to fill that hole with, but I’m very sure it’s there. I’m sure you all are telling me that it’s because I need a boyfriend, or children, or something else, but although you may be right, I don’t feel like that’s it. As far as children are concerned, my nieces and nephew keep me fulfilled in that area, especially since being dubbed “Godmother” to Skylar and also being a Godmother to Jade.

It’s so weird as I’ve been finding myself losing more and more sleep. I can’t exactly assess if the two are correlated, but it seems to be hardly a coincidence that both are occurring at the same time. I thought going back to school will fill the void, but I’m just feeling anxiety due to all my school work.

I don’t know what else to say. I just felt the need to mention it. *shrugs*