Lately, my cousin, Amelyn, has been posting statuses on Facebook in regards to her feud with her ex-husband and his current wife. It’s really getting on my nerves.

Number one, she needs stop talking shit about other people. The only reason why it’s such an enormous problem to her is because she dwells on it. Truthfully, if she was over her ex-husband, she wouldn’t be so bothered by the things that he does. She claims her ex-husband is insecure (of their kids’ relationship with her current husband), and isn’t a sufficient father to their children because he makes them do their own laundry, wash dishes and etc. Last I checked, asking your kids to do chores doesn’t make you bad parent. Yeah, he’s probably very strict with the boys, but at least the kids can grow up knowing how to do things without being told.

Number two, stop telling everybody that he’s insecure and not that great of a parent. Personally, I think the real person who’s insecure is Amelyn. What a perfectly convenient opportunity for her to oversee the boys as the hip, lenient, trendy mother. Way to be opportunistic! …Y’know, taking advantage of the fact that she knows the kids hate living with their father because they have to do manual labor and get punished. Then, as icing on the cake, she puts your ex on blast as a bad father. If that’s not indirectly brainwashing your kids, then I don’t know what is.

Number three, his so-called, “10-year grudge” is justified. I do recall him being head-over-heels in love with her and “doing right” by her (albeit, something that’s teetering on the brink of nobility and stupidity) by marrying her, and ultimately having his heart absolutely obliterated by witnessing his own wife cheating on him with her, dun dun duuuunnn, personal trainer. There are wounds that just don’t heal. When somebody who has fallen for you, had children with you, married you (and it’s exactly that order in this case), then being reprimanded because of the ol’ “I have needs that he doesn’t take care of” bullshit… yeah! I’d say I’d stay angry after all these years. I think what made it even worse was when she continued to date the guy she cheated with through the divorce, after the divorce, and up until she moved to Vegas (where the relationship ended and she secretly married her co-worker after dating for a couple months).

Look, I understand she’s mad because he won’t get over it and allegedly tries to refrain the boys from seeing her when she was living clear across the country (that’s another thing, if she thought he was such a bad father, then why did she leave her kids with him when she moved her happy ass to Vegas? Hmm? Exactly), and blah blah blah, bullshit. This is one of those situations where it would be best if she just kept her mouth shut. Any opinions, comments, harsh words, etc that she feels need to be uttered should be contained. Not to mention, it isn’t healthy for your kids to know exactly how you feel about their father. If anything, your kids should be allowed to conjure up their own opinions about their father on their own and not be subjected to bias that’s being openly expressed by their mother. I know I don’t have all the facts on what’s going on, but I do know that it’s wrong to degrade another pertinent person in your kids life who, at this point, are vital to their development. It’s almost safe to say that the only reason why the kids don’t have ill-feelings of their mother (while living with their father) is because their father didn’t drill into their heads as to how bad of a parent Amelyn is. I know that’s conjecture and probably not a safe bet, but you know, to some extent, it’s probably true.

Maybe next time, when she thinks about putting another long-winded rant about how ridiculous her ex and his wife are, she’d try to uphold some sense of decorum and opt not to.

As much as I love my mother, I feel like she gets frustrated when she can’t brag about her own children. Eva and Jason have invited a friend to live in their house, but it turns out the kid has a shady past. My mom doesn’t trust that. To be honest, she doesn’t trust a lot of people. She lives her life without having friends (except for Uncle Roland) and expect people in the free world to do the same. I’m sure my mom isn’t very content as she depicts herself to be, as I know that by not having a full social life, you tend to have feel like there’s a gaping hole in your life. Manileen gets that feeling a lot lately. She used to be the center of attention in a mosh pit full of friends, but when she got older and put her life on track, she lost a lot of friends in the process. She actually lost her last friend in a dispute she had with her a few months ago. Now, Manileen doesn’t feel like she has a whole lot going aside from Nick and her job.

Me, I can’t say I have a lot of friends. I’m not very popular and charismatic. I’ve had a grand total of 6 friends that I could really call friends in high school and when I went away for college, I made a ton of acquaintances, but very few friends in the midst of losing my close friends from high school. I feel like I have a gaping hole in my life. Truth to be told, I envy those with a plethora of people to hang out with. All I have is school and Eva’s kids. Ever wonder why I don’t have pictures of my friends on my Facebook or Myspace?

Eva is in her early 30′s. My mom’s frustrated because Eva’s life is at a stand still and tends to get worse in heavy situations. She’s also frustrated at the fact that Grace and Janice (my cousins) living well in nice houses and have nice jobs. Eva’s got a criminal record and a husband who can barely afford to keep them afloat. They life on welfare and have 5 children. Eva can’t get a job with her criminal background and can’t seem to stray away from people that can potentially cause trouble. I understand that frustration whole-heartedly. I want Eva and Jason to get better and at least live comfortably as opposed to paycheck-to-paycheck. However, I can’t help but wonder if my mom’s frustrations are triggered by the fact that my mom has nothing to be proud of… nothing to brag about… She’s driven by her embarrassment of Eva’s life where she gets angry when Eva doesn’t listen to her.

Eva isn’t exactly proud of her life thus far. She’s doing degrading work to fulfill her community service requirement. She has to raise five kids and continue to be belittled by her husband who can’t trust her as far as he can throw her. Not that it isn’t her fault, because it is… but she’s living life one day at a time. When you live a life with no tangible focus, aside from raising children to not be like yourself, that’s all you can do. The fact that my mom’s pride is preventing her from being a loving and supporting mother to Eva is downright discouraging to Eva. My mom can’t spend a whole day at Eva’s without seeing Eva when she’s at her best. When Eva’s being a mother… she’s being a mother. The way she plays with her kids. The way she sacrifices updating her deportment so that her kids can look good. The way she gets angry when somebody has done wrong to her children. All those things that should be applauded goes unseen due to the fact that my mom can’t get past the fact that she’s embarrassed by Eva.

You all my not understand my side of the story. I’ve spend enough time to know when my mom is proud and when my mom is humiliated. I’ve also spend enough time with Eva to know when she’s being an idiot and when she’s being simply amazing. I just wish that Eva and Mom would set aside their pride and spend a day with each other to see each other when they’re at their best. I’m tired of being in the crossfire. It’s about time they learned how to be civil and talk to each other like adults.

My mom and Eva are the same… they can’t be bothered to understand one another because they’re too busy yelling so that their point can get across.

I’m having a hard time coping with what has happened today. It really should be water under the bridge by now, but I can’t sit still. It just hit me that I can’t approach my family members openly without rippling their waters. I can’t talk to Dad about my problems because he wouldn’t know how to handle it. I can’t talk to Mom because it’ll anger her greatly or upset her deeply. Eva, Jason, and Manileen are one in the same because if you speak truthfully, the sound of honesty becomes painful to the ears.

The only thing that happened today is that I became very upset with Eva as she was supposed to come with me to Chicago to visit the RU campus, but she left to run errands that took her an inappropriate amount of time to finish. Really, how long does it take to get cigarettes and pay your rent? I grew tired of the excuses, the stalls, and most importantly, the amount of time she, herself, has given to finish up what she was doing. Fifteen minutes became double that time, not to mention, she was already gone for two hours. The plans to see RU today were made over a week ago. My patience was wearing thin and ultimately, I got upset. Why is it all my plans get back-burnered? Is there some priority list I’m not aware of where my plans aren’t even in the top 20? Why does it seem like I have to beg to get people to do things for me or even with me? I’m growing increasingly exhausted with having to wait for my turn. I’m so quick to drop things when somebody needs help, but when the situation is flipped, the people I need the most can’t be bothered. Whatever happened to the Law of Reciprocity? All I wanted was to go see the school I was going to in Chicago. We don’t even need to leave the car, we could’ve just driven past and I would’ve been satisfied with that. No. I had to wait for Eva to come back for her errands. I had to wait for Jason to hear from his co-worker about the tow truck. I can’t wait anymore. I’m starting feel like I’m just a burden to Eva and Jason who are too busy doing their own thing.

What makes matters worse, my being upset caused Mom to open her big fat mouth to a point where her level of irrationality caused Eva to be angry with me. Mom wasn’t even apart of what happened between Eva and I, but here she is putting her proverbial foot down, barking orders, making my decisions and spelling out her demands. I love Mom, very much so. She’s done so much for me without being requested to. However, I feel her level of involvement in my life is hindering my ability to grow as a person. I could never stand up for myself, because she would have done it for me. I can’t make my own decisions, because she fears I’ll make some catastrophic mistake. I’m an adult. My level of naivety is dependent on how my mom interferes. I wish she’d just let me make the necessary mistakes so I could learn from them. I’m a very fast learner. I just wish I have the chance to show her that. Too bad opportunity rarely knocks at this door.

As for Eva and Jason, I wish they could just learn how to keep promises and follow through in their plans. Everything they say contradict everything they do. I wish their level of commitment they have for their friends is within range of their level of commitment they have for family. I do a lot for them. Most of the time, it’s on the spot. However, when a favor is returned, there’s a wait time. Usually, it’s indefinite. It’s come to the point where I shouldn’t even get my hopes up anymore, but when I hear those dreaded two words, my eyes are aglow and my expectations are high. Next thing you know, a day passes, then a week, eventually a month or six… and you find yourself biting your tongue because bringing it up seems inappropriate.

It’s so hard to approach family, and that is a depressing sentiment since family is supposed to be approachable. Without fear of judgment and full of unconditional love, family is who you’re supposed to go to first when something is wrong. It should be easy to speak freely. This is something I just can’t do due to fear. Fear of making them upset, angry, depressed, humiliated, or anything else that would render an unfavorable response. My family is a minefield. There’s just too many ways to step wrong.