(An Open Letter to My Mother)

Dear Mom,

I don’t want you to feel like I don’t value your judgment or concern. What makes you a wonderful mother is that you care immensely. I just wanted you to hear me out.

I just wanted you to know that the whole situation that happened yesterday was entirely blown out of proportion. I know you and Dad don’t like it when I get upset. I appreciate the fact that the both of you can empathize. I just don’t want arguments to be capitalized by having those who aren’t directly involved to be involved. I love you, Mom, but sometimes you have to let me fight my own battles and allow me to decide what I feel is right for the situation. I know you, Dad and even Manileen don’t understand the reasons why I help out Eva and Jason as much as I do. Truth of the matter is that I shouldn’t have to have a reason to help. Helping out family shouldn’t come with a price. Of all people who should understand this, it should be you, Mom. My helping out Eva and Jay everyday without fail is no different than you sending boxes of clothes, food or even money to your own siblings to the Philippines. Rest assured, they (Eva, Jay and even, Manileen, herself) do help me. Albeit, within their level of capability, but nonetheless, they do help me when I need them. The only thing that matters the most for me is that they’re willing.

I’ve feared telling you this because I don’t want you to believe that I don’t need you anymore. Like it or not, I’ll always need you, whether it’ll be financially, emotionally, or even when I get older and one day, raise my own family; your input will always be valid to me. My dream when I get older is to help you in even just a fraction of the way you’ve helped me tremendously. I don’t feel like I’ve done you any wrong. Everything in my life has been tailored in a way where there should be no reason why you or Dad should be upset with me. I’d like to think in a major or minor conflict, I should be able to assess the situation in a way where I feel is best.

Whether I’m in a dispute with Eva or Manileen, my judgment should be trusted. I understand yours and Dad’s concerns, and I love you both for being concerned, but I should be allowed to handle my own incidents. I should be allowed to decide what I feel is right. These actions and decisions shouldn’t be made for me, otherwise, I’ll never learn how to handle it on my own the next time it happens and the both of you can’t be around to defend me.

Please don’t be angry with me. I don’t want you to think I don’t need you anymore or I don’t want you in my life. Hell has to freeze over, first, for me to utter any of those phrases. My biggest fear of all is having you feel so unwanted to the point where you disappear for years at a time, and the next piece of news I’ll receive is that you’ve died. All I ask for is to have faith in my judgment and all that has happened in the past 48 hours to be nothing more than just water under a bridge. I can’t ask for anymore than to just be trusted.

I love you, always,
– Maleen