I believe we all hold the desire to be extraordinary in life.  The only thing that gets in the way of achieving that level is determination.  Some of us have or lack determination.  It’s a sad thought, to say the least, but there isn’t a word in that thought that’s not true.   Remember in kindergarten where we all, at some point, believed we can do anything?  That all gradually fades away as we get older.  As unfortunate as that is, we withdraw our stock in heart and determination and place it onto convenience and smaller time frames.  Many people in this world like the idea of instant gratification.  Hence why some people will turn to plastic surgery or diet pills as primary means to lose weight as opposed to proper eating and exercise.  It’s also the reason why some people quit BEFORE they’re ahead.

I strongly feel that in our 100 year span, we hold the reigns.  I feel it’s up to us as to how we utilize that amount of time in a way we see fit.  This is precisely why I don’t really feel remorse for those who feel they’ve wasted their lives.  In actuality, the only person to blame for that is your only self.  It’s also the reason why I don’t feel remorse for people who live vicariously through their children.  It’s never right to control another person’s life.  I feel that the only the rationale behind why I wasn’t content with where I was going is because I didn’t realize that I was taking control over my choices and actions and was comparing what I’ve done to other people.  I am actually at peace with my stance in life.  I’m riding the rails in a direction I see fit and will deviate when I feel it’s necessary.

I used to get irritated with my sister whenever she’d talk about how good I have it and how bad she has it.  I never believed my sister was leading a horrible life.  If anything, I thought the exact opposite.  Manileen is bright.  I envied her because she took a path where she felt she is most content.   Now, she’s thinking of school.  She realized she wanted her career to make a greater impact on the world and by retreating to the classroom, she will.  The fact that she thought I had it good was incredibly aggrevating… mainly because I had a crisis of identity.  I didn’t feel the field I was in was where I belong.  Like most of my life, I felt misplaced.  Even after graduation, I felt like the degree I currently hold doesn’t belong to me.

It wasn’t until I ventured out into the workplace (while having my foot in the door by applying to graduate school) where I realize that for the first time my heart was right and my brain was wrong.  Albeit, I was not very successful in claiming a job within my field (or some other menial field), but coming close through interviews was gave me the epiphany.  The first time my happiness was factored in was when I went to the interview with Flavorchem.  It was a regulatory technician position that didn’t trigger any sparks for me.  $14.50/hr plus benefits sounded like a sweet deal, but I hesitated.  I, also, think that I subconsciously sabotaged the interview.  All the “don’ts” I was told, I did them.  The job had NOTHING to do with the lab.  It was essentially a data entry job for people with a science background.  I am a balls-to-the-wall laboratory rat.  My love for being in front of a computer frequently has eluded me.  The fact that I realized that was enough force to help me reconcile the fact that where I want to go in life and the current position I’m in  (future graduate student) is correct.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my desire to be extraordinary and my determination to be extraordinary were shadowed by my identity crisis and regret.  When you relinquish any reservations you have about yourself, your fate in life becomes apparent.  Instant gratification and smaller time frames shouldn’t entice your desire to be extraordinary because I feel that those reasons are contingent with the results of your actions.  Take the time to re-evaluate yourself and figure out what you REALLY want to do.  Then do them without the constraints of time, speed, money, or vanity.  Do them with only the constraint of happiness.  Only then, you will be incredible.